results not typical

I remember when I was extremely overweight, desperate and depressed. I would see an ad on T.V. or in a magazine or online about someone who had lost a significant amount of weight, and I wondered how they did it. What clicked in their heads that gave them the motivation and drive to achieve their goals? The truth is, no matter what program you are on, diet you are trying, or video or workout routine you are implementing, the KEY in weight loss is DRIVE. You must be determined enough to make a plan of attack and stick to it. In all of the aforementioned ad's, the ending was always the same; (RNT) RESULTS NOT TYPICAL. I remember that I always thought that I would somehow get there and beat the RNT odds. I had this deep feeling that one day I would meet my goals and be happy with my body again. I just didn’t know how or when or what it would take to get me there. Now looking back, at over half way there,( on the halfway picture that Jenny Craig took and posted on their achievement wall, the words Results Not Typical are printed on the bottom) I relized that I can finally put my name next to those words! What did it for me was reaching a very low desperate point. I had to reach the lowest of the lows in order to achieve the drive it takes to make changes. I went through a period of self hatred. All I thought about was how horrible I looked and felt and when the next meal was. My thoughts were always on food. Somehow, thinking about what food I had to have, what I was craving, took the focus off of the pain and desperation I was feeling. I felt trapped. I felt worthless and horrible. Many days I had horrible headaches brought on by all the sugary foods I was eating, and all I wanted to do was lay in bed and watch TV. I would look forward to and count down the minutes until my husband got home from work so I could announce my headache and hideaway in my room for the rest of the day. My wonderful husband was so caring and accommodating. He would often bring me food in bed and keep the kids out and let me rest. And as sick as it sounds, I was actually pretty content tucked away, eating and being absolutely lazy alone in my room. No one had to see me in there, no one demanded anything from me, I had no responsibilities. I could just veg out. But the next day, when I had to once again face the world, the reality of myself mutilation was crystal clear to not only me, but everyone else. I had to squeeze myself into my clothes and go into the world to be viewed by all. I had to put on a happy face for my kids and ignore the pain that was bursting out of me. I felt like I had no purpose other than providing the basic needs of my children. Very little brought me joy other than food (which was very short lived). Finally I could see that my world was a sad, lonely and dark place. I talked with my mom about this a lot. She understood what my world looked like because hers was very similar. She (being the amazing mom that she is) wanted desperately to help me and save me from myself. We went to Jenny Craig and began what has turned out to be the best thing we could have done. I was very skeptical at first. I thought this would end up being just another thing that I tried and eventually failed at. I had no idea that this would be THE THING that did it for me. The THING that I was waiting for. The program that I could actually follow long enough to allow my mind to change with my body. Along this journey my mind and my way of thinking has changed as much as my body. Before, I viewed food as one of my only sources of pleasure. Something that I could control, it was there when I needed and wanted it and no one could tell me what to eat. It was mine. Now, I look at food as fuel. As something my body needs in order to work its best and keep me going so I can experience the real joys in life. I am able now to experience that feeling that you get when your body is working the way its supposed to be working. When I am running down the street, feeling my leg muscles expand and contract, feeling my lungs take in a full breath of air and expel it without any pain or to much work, I feel alive! Like a person worthy of existance. It feels right. Our bodies were made to move. When your body is working at peak capacity it frees your mind. My thought process is so different now. Instead of thinking of only survival, I now think about productivity. I can see and enjoy the beautiful people and things around me. I am able to take the focus off of my pain and self loathing and put it to much more productive things. I still have a long way to go with both body and mind. BUT, I am getting there. I still am in shock sometimes when I try on a new shirt or outfit and don’t see a pathetic sad person looking back in the mirror! I still struggle sometimes in weak moments and have to fight off the old self that is still lurking deep inside. But the "new me" is much stronger and almost always wins the battle. I truly believe that everyone can and will reach their goals if they are able to find the DRIVE that it takes to get there. We all hold the keys to success within us. We just have to be willing to go on the journey to find it :)